Search This Blog

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Anxious Again

We were advised that the embryo reduction would proceed on Tuesday just gone and we sent our support to our wonderful surrogate as best we could (with prayers and messages of encouragement), because we know that an anaesthetic and hospital procedure can be scary. Now we again have an anxious wait to see if the procedure was successful and if the remaining two little ones are OK.

This week has definitely been the hardest of this journey. There are so many issues that we have had to wrestle with surrounding the loss of one of the little ones. There are those who do not agree with what is extensively an abortion and worrying about how they would react to this. Those that felt we should never have been in this situation to begin with. Those who have not asked, but we know they are worried. Those who ask and want to know why, how and when. Those who are just there. And these are all legitimate beliefs and responses from all the people in our life. It is a little harder because we were a little unsure where our beliefs sat. We knew one thing for sure and that was that it was not our decision to make. It was entirely up to our surrogate, to ensure her health and ensure a safe pregnancy. Another big issue was, did we make a mistake sharing so much. Has it helped us by sharing. Will it help others that we know are watching. Who knows? What we do know is that it hurts. Sharing things can help the hurt. It is also a record of how things are. Maybe a starting point in the future when we get asked why?

No one has been negative and for that we love our friends and family. We have just tried to be honest and this has for us mostly meant being quiet as we grapple with what this has meant and will continue to mean to us. Quiet to enable us to reflect and come to terms with where we are now. Quiet to think. Quiet to heal the hurt. Quiet to pray that we come out the other end with what we want more than anything. Quiet to be in awe of the gift that we are being given.

On a brighter note, we heard today that two couples close to our hearts are pregnant and are filled with joy for them.

This photo was taken in 2006 in Japan. You make a wish as you offer your prayer. 2 guesses what my wish was??

1 comment:

  1. This is so well written son, I am proud of you both. I am praying so hard that you get the beautiful gift at the end of this journey. It then will be the ending of the trauma and the happiness of this journey and the begining of a new life for you both. Also it will be the beggining for those who are to come after you and learn from your experance what it is to go through this journey to achive having a family of there own. keep strong both of and keep getting ready. Love Mum